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Deadly Bullying

October 7, 2010

People magazine cover story this week: Deadly Bullying. I am following up by adding these comments today in light of recent related events, plus i have added the category of ‘Bullying’ to better help the reader find posts on the subject.

Those persons with entitlement problems are people who think they are above the common ethical standards, rules, morals, and even laws of society. They feel no guilt about their methods or what they do to get what they want as they do not experience shame the same way as others. And they do not care who they offend or hurt as they have little or no empathy. They expect subservience and obedience to their will. This behavior is rooted in a personality with a grandiose false-self and the subsequent need to feel superior to others. To get what they want these people will use charm, lies, deception, plus overt or covert aggression. These are very common control tactics of the unhealthy narcissist. Entitlement fuels the unhealthy narcissists behavior and actions.

Bullies assert their feelings of entitlement through arrogant, haughty behavior. They are confrontational and aggressive. Bullies who are unhealthy narcissists — meaning have maladapted personalities — employ coercive methods to show they are superior. Their demonstrative behavior (i want my way and i will show you whose boss), is all about proving to others they are the dominant one within a certain environment (playground, workplace, home, etc). They typically pick persons they consider weak, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally and generally unsuspecting. They do this as they are easy targets. Rarely will they confront persons who are confident, strong and able to withstand the attacks of the bully. So, children will pick on other children who are smaller in stature or who are sensitive, kind and compassionate. And we find men exploiting and harming women as most are physically less able to defend themselves. Being that the unhealthy narcissist has underdeveloped set of emotions they view persons who are sensitive and kind as weaklings who deserve to be exploited. Attacks run the gamut from taunting to beatings. They include: insults, teasing, put downs, pushing, shoving, holding down, fighting, beating, choking, cutting, and even murder. Oftentimes in a group setting, the bully will laugh off his behavior showing how above it all he is; this sets him apart from the group that condones his behavior and encourages it. He emerges as a leader as he exudes strength and is irreproachable. It is in fact, false confidence as what the bully is doing is defense by offense. He is defending his false-ego and fragile sense of self by attacking others to make him appear strong when in fact he is very weak.

Bullying is very damaging as it is effectively an attack on the person’s self-esteem, i.e. self-image. If these attacks are regular it wears down the person’s self-esteem down to the point where their self-worth is impaired. The emotional toll can be such that it can result in the victim resorting to suicide to escape the abuse.

When anyone is attacked we suffer what is called narcissistic wounding. That is wounding to our psyche – our self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth are impacted, therefore our very self and sense of self are affected. If the victim is subjected to repeated attacks the wounding can be deep and have long lasting effects. Emotional and psychological attacks can be just as damaging as physical attacks.

Only through introducing a game changer (a person of authority and influence), can the cycle of bullying be interrupted. It is essential for victims to seek the help of a game changer. See my post on the game changer.

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